Visual Rewrite- person345

Safe Storage Saves Lives

0:01: A young boy, probably around ten years old is walking down a hallway. The hallway is dark, and the light is shining from another room. The child appears to be waking towards the light source. On his left there seems to be a picture, but we are not able to see it. This boy seems like he will be the focus of this video.

0:02: He then proceeds to semi look behind him and we get a better idea what the child looks like. From looking at his hair, it is evident that the child is of African descent. The boy is looking back so that no one is watching him from behind. It is possible that he may be looking for someone or something.  

0:03:  A young girl is shown in this shot. She appears to be laying on the floor on top of a green rug with many different designs. The girl is around the same age as the boy from the previous shot. She has long blonde hair and wearing purple socks with designs, pink pajama pants, a grey sweater with designs at the top. The little girl also appears to be playing on a phone or another device. The camera does not show the phone or what the girl is watching. The overall environment in this scene is bright and the opposite of what was shown with the boy. The girl appears to be happy and preoccupied while the boy in the first shot appears to be mischievous and looking for something that he should not be looking for. This is intended as it represents two different moods.

0:05: Another child is standing on a red, metal stool looking for something in a cupboard. Inside the cupboard, there are a few shelves that are shown in the clip. On second shelf from the bottom there is a designer bad as well as a few pillows. The overall lighting is darker than the last clip and lighter than the hallway the boy was in earlier. This serves as an in between. The girl with the blond hair is the purest and as the scenes get darker in tone, so do the personalities such as the boy from the first second of the video. Light from the outside is the main light source in this frame. Different ethnicities and types of families are represented in this ad because the message is common in all families of all walks of life.

0:09: In this frame, it turns out the green rug from earlier is a bed. We also see the blonde girl getting off the bed. We also see that the girl is with another child. From this angle, we do not know if the child is a boy or a girl. The producers of this commercial did this purposefully, so each person has their own personalities and differences.

0:11: We then see the boy again in this frame. He appears to be looking for something in a storage room or attic in the house. There are boxes and other items scattered throughout the room on the many shelves. The boy seems to be climbing shelves to get to a box at the topmost shelve. There is a flashlight providing light from across the room so that the boy could see in a dark room. It is possible that someone perhaps an adult is helping the boy in his search. We also get a better look at what the boy looks like from behind. He is wearing a striped shirt and jeans. At this point in the video, we do not know what the boy is looking for. All we know is that he is looking for something because the storage room is the only spot where the boy is searching.

0:14: Here, we see the child standing on the stool again still trying to reach something in the cupboard and as a result, we see some objects falling out of the cupboard. From the angle the commercial is being shot in this scene, we only see that a blanket, a few books, and board games fell out. Again, it is still unclear what the girl is looking for.

0:15: The two children are seen going under the bed, but it is unknown why they are doing so. Their feet are the only things that are shown in this frame. Are they hiding from something, or are they just playing around?

0:17: In this frame, we finally can see the face of the boy in the mirror. He appears to be in a bathroom. The bathroom has a mirror and a picture hanging up next to the boy. The boy is rolling up a towel in this scene but so far it is unclear what his motive is. It is likely that he found what he was looking for and is using the object in a towel to hide it so that no one will know. This is shown in the commercial to make the situation look more realistic and to persuade viewers.

0:20: The girl on the stool from earlier picks up a book from the pile that fell off the cupboard. Then she sees something and frame later, it is revealed to be gun. This is possibly the thing that she was looking for in the cupboard all along. Since the commercial is about gun safety, she intentionally was looking for the gun and it just accidently fell out of the cupboard and in plain sight for the girl to notice. Children are curious, if they do not know what something is, they figure it out for themselves.

0:23: The two children by the bed are playing dress up. The two kids are wearing cowboy hats and there is a rifle right next to them. It is not known if the rifle is real or not, but it is used as foreshadowing what will happened towards the end of the commercial.  There also is a board game next to them called “Solarquest” which is a game where you explore the planets throughout the solar system.

0:24:  The boy in the scene looks up as if he heard something. It is evident that a gun shot was fired and before the boy had time to react.

0:26:  The screen is black here and the words “Safe gun storage safes lives.” Referencing the two guns that were visible in the commercial and into the hands of young children. This commercial was created to point out the idea that it is important to keep guns away from children. All the children shown in this commercial represent that accidental shootings can happen anywhere no matter how the children are raised and how good the family seems to be. The message of this commercial is to persuade people that Children do not understand the danger of guns and should not be able to come anywhere near one.

0:28: Then, on the black screen it says, “End Family Fire” and “Make Your Home Safer at”. This refers to the scenario in the commercial when the children had guns without supervision or knowledge on how to use one.

Link to Video:

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2 Responses to Visual Rewrite- person345

  1. davidbdale says:

    I haven’t watched the video, Person, and I’ll refrain from watching it while I write these Notes. I do that to test how well I can visualize what you’re watching from your written descriptions.

    0:01 So far, so good, but we don’t know how much of the boy we’re looking at or which direction he’s walking, Person. You might object that it doesn’t matter. Consider this: if we’re looking at the back of his head, and we’re “walking” down that hallway “with him,” we’re being invited to identify with him, to “put ourselves in his place.” If he’s walking toward us, we might be the source of danger he faces in the dark. If he’s crossing our plane of vision, left-to-right, we’re neutral observers. Not to mention, if he’s facing us, we will see his face and maybe get something from his expression. From your description, I know only that he’s walking down a hallway.

    0:02: Helpful. Any indication why he would look behind him? Apparently we are following him. Is there any chance he’s looking back AT US? Does he need something from us?

    0:03: Naming the colors of the garments is detail without much information, Person. But your suggestion that she is dressed in lots of different patterns might indicate that she dresses herself without adult supervision (or just that she’s a willful renegade who loves that things clash). Sweater plus pajama pants might also indicate she’s responsible for her own choices. Are we seeing her from behind too? Is her body obscuring the phone so that we have to guess what she’s playing with? Any significance to the difference in moods of the two brief scenes?

    0:05: Is there a deliberate attempt to represent different ethnicities, maybe different social groups, different home environments, Person? Focusing on three (unrelated?) kids in 5 seconds might be the film-maker’s way of telling us “this is common in all kinds of families.”

    0:09: I like that you’ve altered your observation instead of changing your first impression, Person. It’s important to record what you see AS YOU SEE IT, which matches the experience of seeing the film for the first time. Now that we’re returning to an earlier scene, it seems more likely that the filmmaker wanted to introduce a diverse set of characters (to establish their differences and similarities) before advancing their individual stories.

    0:11: This is the second time a child has been looking through shelves (or a cabinet). You mention the light from a flashlight, but fail to mention it likely means someone is assisting the boy’s search. Here’s a tricky one: is the boy looking for something specific? Something he knows has been hidden? Or is he just randomly poking around to see what turns up? What would the difference look like?

    0:14: But you’ve established that she is in fact looking FOR something, not just looking? How can you tell?

    0:15: I’m losing track of which kids are which. Does it matter? Could you maybe name them (Patterns or Striped Shirt or)?

    0:17: Is there an increasing sense of danger or menace? You wondered if they might be looking for a gun. How in the world is that possibility conveyed? Wouldn’t rolling a towel more likely mean hiding something than finding something? Does that seem possible?

    0:20: And her finding it seems deliberate? Not an accidental discovery she had not way to expect? How do we know either one of those things?

    0:23: Reporting the details is half the job, Person. The other half, the Rhetoric half of the Visual Rhetoric assignment, is to analyze the rhetoric. What possible value do these images add to the rather disjointed storyline developing here? Does the presence of the gun in a cowboy scene suggest there will be a shooting? Or that there’s an acceptance of gunplay in this home?

    0:24: Bit of a disconnect between your report that something bad “was going to happen” and your speculation that someone might already have fired a gun.

    0:26: You could mention here that neither gun of the two appears to have been stored safely enough. One at least wasn’t out in the open. At this point, the opportunity to make a point has passed. Now begins your evaluation of whether the director (the AUTHOR) made a persuasive argument in her video essay. No post grades well that neglects this important component of the assignment.

    0:28: And . . . ?

    Feedback, revisions, and regrades all take place here on this post, Person. When you’ve made substantial changes, submit for a regrade as many times as needed to achieve the result you want. And keep the conversation going, please. I’m very liberal with my time and feedback for students who respond, and I quickly learn to ignore those who prefer to be left alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. person345 says:

    Professor, I have made some revisions to my Visual Rewrite.


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