Robust Verbs–Daphne Blake

The Original Paragraph:

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

The Revised Paragraph:

The “free heroin for addicts” program is attempting to reduce Vancouver’s ongoing problem of increased crime rates due to the extensive demand of addicts trying to support their habits. These habits negatively impact the day to day lives of addicts by restricting them from participating in day to day activities such as jobs and relationships and even subjecting them to endanger others by breaking and entering and stealing. While the fact stands that the program won’t rid people of their heroin addiction, it will significantly reduce crime rates and avoid hospitals the troubles of dealing with addicts that can’t even afford their hospital bills. By giving addicts free, clean heroin, Vancouver will be ensuring safer streets and less populated hospitals.

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