Open Strong – bluntwriting88

1.            When storms hit many regions in America and the power goes out, maybe for many days at a time, utility companies never respond adequately or fast enough especially as there is no backup for our interdependent electrical system at all. America currently is all for depletable energy sources rather than renewables like solar, for which subsidies expire in the near future, so that viability is tossed, and Americans are left to deal with faulty electrical grids. If the electrical grid does go out for instance, due to a power outage or worse, a domestic or foreign threat, there is nothing in place for defense against sustained civilian power loss, or anything backing up, protecting, or securing American society which has virtually been embedded into attack and damage susceptible crude electromagnetic devices. A simple bacterium with hardly any lines of defense will be readily invaded and obliterated by viruses or new evolved enemy bacteria. In this sense, America is the model of defenselessness and outdatedness, like a simple germ which can be eliminated and rendered useless whenever.

2.            America, for all its economic and military glory, is by far the most technologically underdeveloped and stunted developed nation in our modern world. For decades at a time America cannot provide clean drinking water to far too many municipalities I.E. Flint Michigan. The Birthplace of the iPhone and Microsoft does not have sustainable backup power systems, leaving the population at the mercy of natural decays, disaster, and their local utility provider – nor does America possess enough hospital beds in the densest populated or ventilators during a respiratory pandemic.  The absolute lack of technological coordination and sophistication leaves America as laughingstock for nations across the globe which have already resolved the engineering trifles plaguing much of American technological infrastructures.

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1 Response to Open Strong – bluntwriting88

  1. davidbdale says:

    There are strong ideas here, bluntwriting, and some thoughtful and complex sentences, but your language and transitions are muddying your message.

    You start with storms and paint a picture of our vulnerability.
    You blame our dependence on expendables at the expense of sustainables.
    You call our grids faulty without identifying the fault.
    You add foreign terror to storms as potential trigger events for failure.
    You worry about interruption, lack of backup, lack of security, protection against attack, and crude infrastructure all at the same time.
    Then you offer an lengthy bacteria analogy.

    You could probably manage this richness with a very careful second draft, but it will be a big challenge.

    Particularly unclear is why the dependence on depletables is a particular liability. (Most critics of renewables warn of the danger of the opposite: overdependence on stuff we CAN’T burn on demand.)

    You also want to start by naming the actual threat. Loss of power is a bit abstract compared to the massive civil unrest, riots, looting, panic, etc that would result from a nationwide power loss of more than a few days. Paint that hell in a few words first and you’ll have your readers’ attention from the start.

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