Rebuttal- MysteryLimbo

Needs a Real Title

The United States is the developed, richest, and sophisticated nation in the world and is what the rest of the world views as a role model. Even though mass incarceration is happening in the United States without a reasonable doubt. The United States still leads the world in the most incarcerated people the United States has a total of 2.121 million people in prison and a population of 325.7 million people. With the nation thriving economically and being the face of freedom it is deceptive to outside nations to what is actually occuring within the United States. Prisons are disproportionately black and hispanic in the United States most of the prison population are apart of minority groups. Although the root of the argument could simply be diffused by saying, “criminals commit the crime; therefore, they were incarcerated” but it is not that simple. It is because of the lack of money and knowledge that low-income areas receive without proper education and money the cycle of poverty and mass incarceration will continue.

Those who believe that mass incarceration is caused of compromise couldn’t be more correct. Throughout  early history in America when both ends of the aisle did not agree the two sides would meet in the middle and come up with some sort of compromise. Now there is this political debate about which party is correct about very essential problems that are occuring in the United States. To others criminals are the bottom of the bucket and don’t deserve rights. This ideology is inherently evil and go against the fundamentals that they wish to preserve. Though most of the country should agree that people convinced of violent crimes need to be punish to full extent of the law but saying nonviolent drug crimes should receive the same punish is preposterous. Prison’s are something that should be taken seriously and with the government expanding the federal prison system needs reform. Though ignoring the problem of prison reform seemly protects our country from people that want to do harm in the future it doesn’t protect the rights that prisoners are entitled to. According to the 8th amendment cruel and unusual punishment are not allowed in prisons and the 8th amendment is among the 10 amendments that make up the bill of right in the United States. The bill of rights are the founding concepts that were founded back with the constitution in 1787.

The fight to conserve the traditional style of a small federal government roots from a greater argument to avoid tyranny, corruption, and economic downfall. Conserving tradition is not a bad thing and it should be encouraged nationwide and globally. The point is that the government is an entirely different entity from the belief of their country the United States was founded of this new ideology of freedom and the “pursuit of happiness”. The founding fathers knew any government that based their practice on traditions, cultural value, and/or monarchy would inevitably fail. Conserving tradition can be done individually and should not be implemented into any of our laws because it is systemically unfair.  

The government has a job to protect its citizens and enforce the law. The government has expanded so much that it is becoming an increasing concern for many people. This concern is coming from a just point of view that should be apart of conversation when it comes to controversial law, precedent, or election if that matters. Prison reform is not as important as health care, gun control, or abortion because criminals are not as important as the americans that are able to keep their freedom. Like conditions and unhealthy life that prisoners have to endure are not already bad. The United States is beacon of freedom yet the United States has the highest incarceration rate in the world. Meaning any person is more likely to be arrested in United States than any other country in the world. Which is ironic because the beacon of freedom is throwing the most people into prison hence removing their freedom. The government cannot run away from this problem much longer. The more time that goes on, people become more informed and therefore this will become an even larger problem than it already is.

Expanding on the idea that as time goes on this problem would only get worse. The longer the United States waits on prison reform it makes the country that is supposed to be the beacon of freedom a weak position on incarceration on the world stage. The country that has been so influential over the last 50 years should have the equipment, brainstorm, and the budget to execute the obvious flaws in their justice system. Which raises the questions of  “Why don’t they fix the justice system?” but it is not to easy to get 535 people to agree on prison reform and not to mention the review to see if the law is constitutional. The process is tedious without a doubt but legislators in past have made compromises with a bipartisan agreement and made laws and other programs to help the people of the United States. All in all lawmakers today do not make the same effort as the lawmakers of the past. People are more driven by ideology rather than compromise.In conclusion, minorities are still the most affected by the United States justice system. Ignoring the problem of racial injustice is flat out wrong and the government should be ashamed that they’re silencing people that minor nonviolent offenses. According to Prison Reform “47% of the prison population is nonviolent crimes and about half of those are considered “petty crimes” such as small traces of heroine in clothing, marijuana offenses, and even tax evasion. This problem is large and when the government starts paying attention to prison reform the faster the people can heal as a country. Prisoners are people too and they deserve their right to be not be treated cruelly and/or unusually.

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3 Responses to Rebuttal- MysteryLimbo

  1. mysterylimbo says:

    Grammar and source feedback.

  2. davidbdale says:

    MAGICAL DEPENDENCY:

    The United States is the developed, richest, and sophisticated nation in the world and is what the rest of the world views as a role model. Even though mass incarceration is happening in the United States without a reasonable doubt.

    Here you have a sentence and a fragment with a subordinator (EVEN THOUGH) that creates a dependent clause, not a sentence. First, let’s combine them correctly into a complex sentence.

    The United States is the developed, richest, and sophisticated nation in the world and is what the rest of the world views as a role model even though mass incarceration is happening in the United States without a reasonable doubt.

    Of the two, which idea do you wish to emphasize? which to minimize? Right now, the wealth and sophistication are your point while the mass incarceration is a trivial objection.
    If that’s not what you want, move the subordinator.

    Even though the United States is the developed, richest, and sophisticated nation in the world and is what the rest of the world views as a role model, mass incarceration is happening in the United States without a reasonable doubt.

    Now to fix the grammar (bad parallel construction), (needless repetition of “The United States” and “the world”) (wordiness of “is what the world views”).

    Even though the United States is the richest, most developed, most sophisticated nation on earth and a role model for the rest of the world, the mass incarceration of its citizens is a disgrace that can’t be denied.

    Now we see the sentence as a grudging admittance that the US isn’t the model it’s taken to be: the supposed superiority is minimized; the objectionable incarceration is emphasized.

    Is that helpful, Limbo?
    Too much? Are you interested in a thorough review or just want to avoid “the Dreaded FFG”?
    I won’t proceed further until I get clarification from you.

  3. davidbdale says:

    You write BOTH fragments and runons, ML. This, for example, is TWO sentences that you’ve jammed together to create a runon. See where the second one begins?

    The United States still leads the world in the most incarcerated people the United States has a total of 2.121 million people in prison and a population of 325.7 million people.

    As source material, its value is dubious in two ways. First, it identifies the NUMBER of incarcerated, which might be a meaningless comparison. [A tiny country with 2 million people might have 1 million prisoners and be MUCH more impressive! 🙂 ) Second, it squanders the capability of providing a percentage: 2.121 million prisoners out of 325.7 million residents is a whopping .65% of the population, or (phrased more impressively, maybe): 6-and-a-half prisoners for every 1000 US citizens! There may be more prisoners in China (your data says no), but probably not as many proportionally! Either way, we can’t tell and you should tell us.

    Try for cleaner constructions that avoid the “what it is” and “it is that” in favor of robust verbs, ML. You get yourself in trouble.

    With the nation thriving economically and being the face of freedom it is deceptive to outside nations to what is actually occurring within the United States.

    A much less complicated, cleaner, more grammatically pleasing version would be:

    America’s thriving economy and famous freedoms MASK the sad reality.

    Prisons are disproportionately black and hispanic in the United States

    A perfect sentence, but you didn’t put the period at the end. Instead, you ran on into the next sentence and created another runon.

    Most of the prison population are apart of minority groups.

    You get yourself in trouble again, ML, by adding the “part of” language. The population is already plural; now you’re going to have parts, or A part, and the possibility of number disagreement keeps adding up. MUCH easier to control is the streamlined:

    Most inmates are minorities.

    Although the root of the argument could simply be diffused by saying, “criminals commit the crime; therefore, they were incarcerated” but it is not that simple.

    Here, you need a strong rebuttal source. Arguing against “common knowledge” or “common misconception” is not effective. Readers don’t trust that you’re selecting the strongest opponent.

    It is because of the lack of money and knowledge that low-income areas receive without proper education and money the cycle of poverty and mass incarceration will continue.

    I don’t know what’s going on here. Simplifying helps, though, as always. Do low-income areas RECEIVE a LACK of money and knowledge? That’s hard to square. Let’s choose a strong subject and a robust verb. Sub-standard housing? Dangerous neighborhoods? Dismal schools? Do these create a cycle of poverty that actually CREATES criminals? And does having criminals for parents and role models PERPETUATE that cycle? Some such language would improve your syntax.

    From this point on, I can’t help but notice, you run off almost four paragraphs without a citation, Limbo. You may argue with yourself in the shower or the car, but in academic writing, your readers want to you tackle tough opponents. They have their own ideas of what created America’s incarceration orgy, and they want you to address their objections to your thesis. If you fail to locate, share, and obliterate the strongest spokespeople for those objections, your readers will sit on their pocket aces and spring them on you once they’ve seen your whole hand face up.

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