Causal Rewrite-person345

Impacts of a Worldwide Pandemic

Being locked down and unable to leave your house is detrimental to your mental health and potentially the people around you. Over this past year, we have seen these terrible and even tragic effects firsthand in America that quarantining, and isolation can have on people. It wears us down emotionally and it brings the longing desire for changes that must be made to stop the spread of the Coronavirus. We want someone to blame for the spread of this very contagious disease. These negative consequences stem from travel deprivation and the overall effects of The Stages of the Denial of Travel. When people are deprived of enjoying their lives by traveling to escape work and other stressors, they tend to lash out and point the blame to a source that they think has control of the situation. When people’s satisfaction lowers as they are experiencing the Stages of the Denial of Travel, lashing out and pointing the blame as to why they are being forced to stay in their homes are those negative effects.

A study conducted by Tunisian researchers studied a connection between the domestic abuse of women and quarantining during Covid-19.  This study focused on the effects of how two Tunisian Women delt with being isolated for a period. According to this study, violence against women drastically increased from 4.4% to 14.8%. The study also concludes that this higher rate of the abuse of women is linked to anxiety, depression, and stress because of the lockdowns and people’s inability to leave their houses. Because we are deprived of travel during this Pandemic, our satisfaction and happiness decreases which makes us become angry and depressed. This is a result of the harmful stage of The Stages of Denial of Travel. The Harmful Stage is when we experience the full effects of being deprived of travelling. Anxiety, anger, and stress all begin to develop which causes people to lash out both physically and mentally. In this case, the rate of domestic abuse is increasing because they are angry and tired of staying isolated. When people are like that, they blame others.

Being angry and depressed because of being isolated from the people and the rest of the world. Since Covid-19 came from mainland China; more specifically Wuhan, it is evident that people are becoming Xenophobic towards Asians because of the fear of contracting the disease. An example of such Xenophobia in the United States was when Robert Aaron Long killed six Asian Americans this past month on March 16th. The mass shootings were at three different spas around the Atlanta area. According to studies done by Angela R. Gover, Shannon B. Harper, and Lynn Langston, there has been a rise of hate crime towards Asian Americans in the United States. This is due to many American’s pointing the blame towards Asians from spreading the Coronavirus. This source also discusses how former President Trump kept calling the virus “the Chinese virus”. Trump provoked Xenophobia towards Chinese and Asian Americans and pointed the blame right to China. His supporters listen to Trump and then go off and commit hate crimes towards Asians. No one in this situation knows who to blame. People are not happy as explained by the Stages of the Deprivation of Travel. To find satisfaction, we listen to anyone that makes us feel any better about the situation. Even if they are right or wrong.

People’s wishes for change are more apparent now that ever before. Just alone in 2020, we have seen riots, social movements, constant protests etc and all during a worldwide Pandemic which isolated people from each other. This year on January 6th, 2021, pro Trump protesters stormed the capital building in Washington, DC for their hopes to overturn the 2020 election. Something like this has never been seen before in modern US history not since the Civil War. This all connects back to the Coronavirus. Because millions of Americans cannot escape to enjoy themselves and that they are socially distant, they want change. The virus is a “straw the broke the camel’s back” in this situation. Many Trump supporters and Republicans alike were outraged when Donald Trump lost the election. All the anxiety and stress they had to endure that past year pushed many to storm the capital that day. They were tired of sitting idle for so long. Sparking a revolution at the capital was a way to let their feelings all out from months of depression and anger.

Depriving a person of travel and the ability live a normal life has devasting effects on a country’s society. Because people feel trapped in their own homes and are unable to live normally, they take their feelings out on other people. This as a result is why there is a rise of Xenophobia, revolutions, and hate crimes towards Asians. People use Asian Americans as a scapegoat for their terrible lives because they feel like they caused the problem because they are from China. The truth is that we are all to blame for this disease that created misery upon the world.

References

  1. Chen, C. (2013). Health and wellness benefits of travel experiences a literature Review. Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/258161384_Health_and_Wellness_Benefits_of_Travel_Experiences_A_Literature_Review

This entry was posted in Causal Rewrite, person345. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Causal Rewrite-person345

  1. davidbdale says:

    We don’t use the 2nd person in this course, Person, to avoid antagonizing our audience. Instead, we use 1st person plural, to build affinity with our readers. For example:

    We are social animals for better or worse. Being locked down and unable to leave our houses is detrimental to our mental health and potentially the people around us.

    After that, you’ve chosen WE/US/OUR language yourself. Stick with it. It’s very effective.

    “These terrible and even tragic effects” is very weak because it’s so vague. Have we seen death, violence, assaults on our neighbors, against immigrants? What?

    “We want someone to blame for the spread of this very contagious disease.” Sort of. But more to the current point, we want someone to blame for taking away our freedom of movement.

    The following three sentences, for the most part, are the same sentence written three times:

    These negative consequences stem from travel deprivation and the overall effects of The Stages of the Denial of Travel. When people are deprived of enjoying their lives by traveling to escape work and other stressors, they tend to lash out and point the blame to a source that they think has control of the situation. When people’s satisfaction lowers as they are experiencing the Stages of the Denial of Travel, lashing out and pointing the blame as to why they are being forced to stay in their homes are those negative effects.

    See if you can do that in one sentence.

    That was a lot of criticism for what is overall a pretty strong paragraph, Person. You’re close here, but not close enough to let it slide.

    The following four sentences use “a study” as a subject four times. If the MAIN IDEA of four sentences in a row is “a study,” there’s probably a big structural problem with your paragraph:

    A study conducted by Tunisian researchers studied a connection between the domestic abuse of women and quarantining during Covid-19. This study focused on the effects of how two Tunisian Women dealt with being isolated for a period. According to this study, violence against women drastically increased from 4.4% to 14.8%. The study also concludes that this higher rate of the abuse of women is linked to anxiety, depression, and stress because of the lockdowns and people’s inability to leave their houses.

    Let’s CAPITALIZE your REAL subjects:
    (1. A study conducted by Tunisian researchers studied a connection between the domestic abuse of women and quarantining during Covid-19.)
    —QUARANTINING INCREASED domestic abuse, according to a study.
    (2. This study focused on the effects of how two Tunisian Women dealt with being isolated for a period.)
    —TUNISIAN WOMEN SUFFERED increased abuse during social isolation.
    (3, According to this study, violence against women drastically increased from 4.4% to 14.8%.)
    —VIOLENCE INCREASED according to the study.
    (4. The study also concludes that this higher rate of the abuse of women is linked to anxiety, depression, and stress because of the lockdowns and people’s inability to leave their houses.)
    —ISOLATION CREATED STRESS THAT LED TO VIOLENCE

    Do we need four sentences for that? Or:

    Enforced isolation creates stress that leads to violence against the most vulnerable of us. A study by Sediri and others showed that domestic violence tripled against Tunisian women quarantined with their abusers.

    Did I miss anything?

    The sentences that follow are also wordy by about 30%:
    “Because we are deprived of travel during this Pandemic, our satisfaction and happiness decreases which makes us become angry and depressed. This is a result of the harmful stage of The Stages of Denial of Travel. The Harmful Stage is when we experience the full effects of being deprived of travelling. Anxiety, anger, and stress all begin to develop which causes people to lash out both physically and mentally. In this case, the rate of domestic abuse is increasing because they are angry and tired of staying isolated. When people are like that, they blame others.”

    This is not a sentence:

    Being angry and depressed because of being isolated from the people and the rest of the world.

    Since Covid-19 came from mainland China; more specifically Wuhan, it is evident that people are becoming xenophobic towards Asians because of the fear of contracting the disease.
    —That’s understandable. But it’s hard to believe that any thinking person would actually believe an Asian-American was more likely to HAVE the disease, right? So there must be a lot of irrationality to the thought process that results in violence toward Asians. Does it perhaps just give an excuse to people who were feeling antagonistic to Asians already? Find anything in the academic literature that explains how scapegoating about economic issues turns to violence? You never hear about violence against Russian-Americans, do you? Is that because they’re no longer a serious economic or political threat?

    An example of such xenophobia in the United States was when Robert Aaron Long killed six Asian Americans this past month on March 16th. The mass shootings were at three different spas around the Atlanta area.
    —His is certainly sensational, but it might not be the best example for your case. He traveled pretty far to target massage parlor workers. Does that sound like a reaction to COVID fears?

    According to studies done by Angela R. Gover, Shannon B. Harper, and Lynn Langston, there has been a rise of hate crime towards Asian Americans in the United States.
    —That’s a very weak citation, Person. You invoke an academic study just to say there’s been an increase in hate crime toward Asians? Did the study conclude anything else pertinent?

    This is due to many American’s pointing the blame towards Asians from spreading the Coronavirus. This source also discusses how former President Trump kept calling the virus “the Chinese virus”. Trump provoked Xenophobia towards Chinese and Asian Americans and pointed the blame right to China. His supporters listen to Trump and then go off and commit hate crimes towards Asians.
    —I think that’s true, but my belief in not enough. The virus is only the latest problem Trump blamed China for. He suggested they might have interfered in the presidential election. He accused them of stealing industrial intelligence. Of dumping goods on the American economy. Etc. Etc. And THEN, the virus claim and the “too-little-too-late” travel ban against Chinese travelers. THAT really put a target on them.

    No one in this situation knows who to blame. People are not happy as explained by the Stages of the Deprivation of Travel. To find satisfaction, we listen to anyone that makes us feel any better about the situation.
    —Not so much feel better as “tells us who to blame,” don’t you think?

    Even if they are right or wrong.
    —You mean “even if they’re wrong.” It would be nutty to say, “We listen to whoever has an answer, even if they’re right.”

    People’s wishes for change are more apparent now THAN ever before. IN 2020 ALONE,

    All the anxiety and stress they had to endure that past year pushed many to storm the capital that day. They were tired of sitting idle for so long. Sparking a revolution at the capital was a way to let their feelings all out from months of depression and anger.
    —That’s a strong claim. You make several in this paragraph, in too many words and not well-supported by evidence, but you’re on the right track. I like the very simple and reasonable suggestion that the protestors were just TIRED OF BEING IDLE. When we can’t move about freely, we do tend to explode out of the blocks eventually.

    See if you can connect POWERLESSNESS to CONFINEMENT and ISOLATION. Find some science on that causal connection. Storming of the state and national Capitols wouldn’t have happened if people were feeling in control of their own lives, right? Black Lives Matter protests wouldn’t have been so pervasive and massive if black Americans hadn’t been feeling particularly restrained, right? Here’s a dangerous but compelling metaphor: George Floyd is a vivid example of what happens when our freedom of movement is denied too severely and too long. We suffocate.

    You’re doing good work here, Person, despite all my onerous notes. You’ve got a good handle on the human need to move, to motor, to propel, to freely interact with others, to express our power and freedom, to “chart our own course.” And I really can’t complain about the degree to which you have accepted suggestions. I see my earlier advice reflected here in your first draft.

    Keep working it, Person. This essay could develop into something very convincing.

    As always, I will post a first-draft grade to Canvas that reflects how this would be graded at the end of the semester in your Portfolio. You may request a Regrade Please following significant Revisions. You may also request further Feedback Please by asking specific questions as often as needed.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s