Visual Rewrite-honeysucklelilac

Seize the Awkward :30 | Friendship & Mental Health | Ad Council

0:01. The ad starts with two teenage girls sitting on a couch at opposite ends. The surrounding furniture, piano and lamps tell us that we are in one of the girl’s homes. At first the windows in the upper third of the wall might suggest that this scene takes place in a basement however, the fireplace in the left corner of view makes it more likely that the girls are in a living room.

The brunette on the left is fidgeting with her hands and her feet are pointed in to each other, it seems like the ad may have started after or before an uncomfortable conversation. Her eyes are also looking down and to the side as if she is trying not to make eye contact with the other girl. The blonde on the right side of the couch has her legs crossed and is looking straight ahead. This detail suggests she may be watching a tv that we as the view cannot see yet.

The camera is slowly zooming in on the scene then cuts to a close up of the brunette with her eyes still looking down on the floor.

0:02. Now the camera cuts to the blonde as she looks over to her friend to say something. She inhales as if she’s about to speak and looks over to her friend before her eyes dart back forward. It is clear the the blonde wants to say something but then decides not to.

0:03-0:06. The camera cuts again so we can see both girls sitting on the couch. The middle couch cushions fold down and white male appears in their place wearing a brown turtleneck with his hands folded. He is older than the girls, probably in his late twenties.

0:07. The camera cuts again to focus on the male in between the two girls but they are both still visible. The brunette is looking to the left with wide eyes and her mouth slightly open, indicating that she is uncomfortable, possibly by what the man in the middle is saying. The blonde is looking straight ahead, mouth closed as if she is refusing to acknowledge what is happening around her.

0:08-0:09. Camera cuts to a new scene of two men, one African American, the other white, both in their mid thirties, in a tub with the same white male as before in between them rising from the water. The bubbles coming from the tub and the décor of seashells and plants show that they are at a spa or perhaps the hot tub at a gym.

0:10. Another new scene, this time we are in a school or team bathroom. This is known because of the line of urinals, blue, yellow and white painted wall and the lights hanging from the ceiling. There are two large men, football players, wearing uniforms with number on the back in the same yellow and blue as the bathroom walls. Both men are larger than the one in the middle with long hair. They are going to the bathroom and we can tell by the fact their arms are not hanging at their sides The same white man from the previous scenes is squeezing himself in-between the two men. He can only fit between them if he is standing sideways and turns to face the camera and smiles.

0:11-0:12. The camera cuts to the last new scene of people. We are looking down at them in bed as if hovering above and looking down. A white male and an African American woman are laying in bed with the same white male in a turtleneck in the middle of them. The pink pillows and carpet indicate that the room they are in is the woman’s. The man on the left is shirtless as well as the woman, both with slightly disheveled hair. There is no lamp visible and daylight is shinning on then indicating that is it morning and they have just woken up from a night out. The man and woman look at each other and when eyes contact is made, quickly away. This shows that they are not comfortable with each other like a couple who had been dating for a while would. The man in the middle is positioned lower than the couple so they do not look at him when they glance at each other and so the viewer knows they are looking at each other and not the man in the turtleneck.

0:13-0:14. The camera cuts back to the hot tub scene from earlier but the camera is zoomed in on the man in the turtleneck between the other two men while we can still tell the men on either side of him are there because we can see their arms.

0:14-0:15. We are back at the scene of the two girls on the couch with the man in the middle. We can see half of the girl’s faces with the same expressions as before. The man in the turtleneck points to both of them before the camera changes angles.

0:16-0:18. The angle of the camera changes so that both girls are visible and the man in-between them is gone. The brunette’s expression and body language has not changed. The blonde opens her mouth as is if she is going to speak. She looks over to her friend and her eyes look at the brunette’s but do not make eye contact before she looks down at her lap at her hands. We can tell she is struggling to find the words she wants to say.

0:18-0:20. The camera angle changes to focus only on the blonde. She starts speaking and the way she is tilting her head and raising her eyebrows we can tell she is trying to be empathic or sympathetic with what she is saying.

0:21-0:22. The camera the cuts to focusing on the brunette and she shakes her head and looks to the right at the blonde before looking down, telling us the blonde had asked her a question that she is uncomfortable answering because she can’t maintain eye contact.

0:22-0:23. The camera cuts to the blonde as she looks to the brunette and says “it’s okay”. Meaning that if she asked a question the brunette isn’t ready to answer that she is okay with waiting until she is ready.

0:24-0:25. The camera cuts to the man in the turtleneck sitting in a chair with his thumbs up. This shows that the blonde handled the situation in the appropriate way.

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2 Responses to Visual Rewrite-honeysucklelilac

  1. davidbdale says:

    HoneySuckleLilac, because you did not request Feedback, I will provide you a quick provisional grade and about 15 minutes worth of time to suggest ways you should revise your work to improve that grade.

    The next step would be for you to respond to that feedback. Then make revisions to this post and request a Regrade. If you wish further feedback on this post, you will have to ask specific questions.


  2. davidbdale says:

    Honeysuckle, except for the fact that I don’t know how you surmised the first scene was in on of the girls’ homes, and that after the first mention of Turtleneck speaking we have no idea if he says another word in any of his appearances, I seem to get a pretty good idea what you’re looking at.

    I haven’t watched the video. Maybe in a later feedback session I’ll have more to say about details you might need to mention.

    Two things for your Revision cycle.
    1. Explain as you go what you CONCLUDE from the scenes you’re watching. That turtleneck guy shows up in three or four different scenes and you never speculate why.
    2. As you go, or when you finish describing the Visuals, analyze the RHETORIC. What argument does the video make? How well does the Author (the video Director) persuade her audience to adopt her point of view?

    I’ve used up my time. See your grade on Canvas. Follow the procedure in the first Reply.


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