Visual rewrite- Sonnypetro29

 In this image we see a young man at the bar. He appears to be in his late 20’a to early 30’s. He appears to be with a group of people. A man who looks a little younger and more cleaned up is talking to someone, it appears to be female. We take a look at the table and it seems to be that there are alcoholic beverages on the table. It looks like they are at a fancy bar if we look behind them we can see all the different types of alcohol and fancy light. The man in the middle seems to be drinking a beer, while the other gentleman is drinking a martini and the female is drinking a glass of wine. This indicates that they have been drinking.

0:01-0:02– The man gets up from the table and he puts his jacket on. We can see the buttons pressed against his stomach, the shirt may be a little too small. We can also get from this that he drinks a lot and has a beer belly. He appears to be getting ready to leave. The camera pans to the table where his phone and keys are at. He stares down and grabs his keys but his phone is still on the table. He then waves to the two other people at the table and begins to walk away.

0:03-0:09- The man makes a quick turn back to the table where he grabs a glass of water and chugs the water. He did not turn around because he forgot his phone he wanted to drink more water to try and sober up.This indicates that he was attempting to sober up so he could drive home. Once he is finished drinking the water he puts the glass down on the table and realizes his phone is still on the table. He reaches for his phone that is on the table and he picks it up. He then gets a text from his sober self in the text we can see that it says ” Ehem we both know what you’re doing”. He looks at the text and gives a smirk like who cares.

0:10-0:12- He smiles at his cell phone then puts it back into his pockets. He turns very quickly to the bar where he picks up another glass of water and begins chugging it. He is really trying to sober up so he can drive him self home. Once he finishes the water his phone rings again. He reaches in and pulls his phone out with another text from his sober self saying ” water isn’t some magic cure man”. Now we can conclude that he was indeed trying to chug water so he could try and sober up and drive home. From this text we can see that it is very early in the night it is only 6:45 pm. We can maybe get from this that he started drinking earlier in the day.

0:13-0:24– The man turns and walks quickly into the restroom. He looks at him self in the mirror. He looks very out of it his face looks pale. He reaches down and turns the cold water on and begins to splash water onto his face. After he finishes putting water onto his face he takes a deep breathe and looks up from the sink and looks back at himself in the mirror. The phone laying on the sink buzzes, he looks down to see another text from his sober self saying “So, you calling the ride or should I?” He looks down at the phone and then looks back in the mirror. You can tell right here that he realizes that he should just call for a ride. He looks back at the mirror one last time and smiles and begins typing on his phone. We can get that he was calling or texting someone for a ride home. The video ends off with a voice saying ” if you need to do something to feel okay to drive then your not okay to drive.” this whole videos was showing signs of someone attempting to drink and drive and it should you what you should do if you drank and you need to call a ride.

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1 Response to Visual rewrite- Sonnypetro29

  1. davidbdale says:

    Better. Fails For Grammar a few times for Rule 7. You should double-check it for other grammar failures as well.

    Some things to consider before you call this one done.

    Did you not notice the ridiculous “toreador” flourish of our main character putting on his jacket to leave? It cannot be an accident that he crosses his arms and swoops the jacket over his head to get his arms into the jacket. Who does that in the tight quarters of a bar with glassware all around if he’s not oblivious to his surroundings? I might even say he “pulls that move” to convince himself he’s still sober enough to drive (the in-bar equivalent of walking a straight line).

    You say the main character (let’s call him The Bullfighter to keep things straight) has been drinking at a table with friends, and we can all agree to that, but do you see that we never watch him interacting with them, or with anyone except his phone, except for the little salute he gives to the table after he picks up his keys. Most notably the other gentleman (we’ll call him Striped Shirt) makes eye contact with two different people (one to his right and later to one across the table) but never acknowledges the presence or the departure of The Bullfighter. Does that make you wonder how close he is with the group?

    I like your insinuation that the time of day indicates he’s been drinking all day. Very clever. I had assumed this was the end of an after-work happy hour. How would that change your interpretation if at all?

    You mention the possibility of a beer belly without indicating that he gets up from a table on which, in front of him, is a beer bottle and a mostly-full glass of water, no ice. Has he been switching back and forth (beer/water/beer) in an attempt to curb his alcohol consumption? Would that indicate he has a history of drinking too many beers in a row?

    When his phone suggests he call a ride, does that mean his sober self, who’s placing the calls, doesn’t feel close enough to his drinking companions to ask one of them for a ride? The implication is clearly there.

    I’m not suggesting anything that isn’t contained in the rich images we’re presented, sonnypetro. The more you tell us about what you’re seeing, the more detailed and provocative your analysis will be.


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