Grammar Exercise-Aquarela

Posted on November 17, 2020 by aquarela

Original: If a primary caretaker has a negative attitude toward their child it increases the risk that they’re child will grow up hostile towards others. And its not just aggression toward others that results from child abuse; a large amount of children raised by abusive parents also harm themselves. The reason for this negative behavior is because the children don’t learn appropriate techniques for handling lifes disappointments. If you aren’t raised with coping skills, your much to likely to act ‘inappropriately’ then if you have developed more reasonable approaches. The affect of poor parenting as reported by Dr. Geoffrey Dahmer in “The Bully Papers”, is that everyone gets the child they deserve.

Rewrite: If a primary caretaker has a negative attitude towards their child it increases the risk that their child will grow up hostile towards others. And it is not just aggression toward other children that results from child abuse; a large amount of children raised by abusive parents also harm themselves, because the children don’t learn appropriate techniques for handling life’s disappointments. If you are not raised with coping skills, you are much more likely to act ‘inappropriately’ then if you have developed more reasonable approaches. The effect of poor parenting as reported by Dr. Geoffrey Dahmer in “The Bully Papers”, is that everyone gets the child they deserve.

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2 Responses to Grammar Exercise-Aquarela

davidbdale says:

November 19, 2020 at 7:25 pm

If a primary caretaker has a negative attitude towards their child it increases the risk that their child will grow up hostile towards others.

You refer to your singular caretaker twice with the plural pronoun “their.” Fix that.

And it is not just aggression toward other children that results from child abuse; a large amount of children raised by abusive parents also harm themselves, because the children don’t learn appropriate techniques for handling life’s disappointments.

You describe many children as an amount instead of as a number. We can count children, so we use “number” to describe several.

If you are not raised with coping skills, you are much more likely to act ‘inappropriately’ then if you have developed more reasonable approaches.

The 2nd Person is banned in academic writing, so purge your writing of all instances of you, your, yours, yourself, yourselves. In American English we use double quotes ALWAYS except for quotes within quotes. “Than” has one use, to phrase a comparison such as the one you make here between inappropriate and reasonable actions.

The effect of poor parenting as reported by Dr. Geoffrey Dahmer in “The Bully Papers”, is that everyone gets the child they deserve.

Commas go inside the quotation marks ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS. You refer to your singular parent first with the singular pronoun everyone and then by the plural pronoun they. It can’t be both.

These corrections and others are all described in the post “Fails For Grammar.”

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- aquarela says:
  
  November 24, 2020 at 8:57 pm
  
  Thank you professor.
  
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