Visual Rewrite-Hailthegreat8

0:01-0:03 The video begins with the camera zoomed in on a half-eaten plate with a fork and a knife on top of it. It seems someone is eating breakfast. The food looks good. There is a half glass of milk behind the plate and bowls on the table, and I believe a blue napkin behind the milk. The camera then cuts to a man with a nice haircut in a blue suit with a tie picking up a piece of his food. He’s probably eating before heading off to work. He then starts looking upstairs while taking a brief sigh. Looking at his facial expression, he seems a little annoyed about what’s going on up there. You then see a fridge with multiple pictures taped on it. It appears that a child drew those pictures. You can also see background tissue papers, bananas, a trash can, and a sink. He is eating his food in the kitchen

0:04-0:08  The camera now shows where the man is at. He is in the kitchen; you can see the fridge and other objects behind him; you can also see another room on the right of him. It appears to be the living room. This is the man on the screen house. You see him eating his food; he is most like eating breakfast or dinner; you can’t tell what time it is because of their no clock and their no window on the screen. The man then starts moving, trying to get back into a comfortable position. His facial expression tells me he is still a little annoyed about what’s happing upstairs in his house; you don’t know what or who is upstairs. He suddenly jumps a bit from his seat; something upstairs startled him. Then he starts looking up again; you see his eyes start moving left and right while looking up. He’s thinking about what the person is doing upstairs. 

0:09-0:15 The man does a mad sigh while continue to look up. You then start to hear footsteps upstairs; someone is walking up there. He then breaths out in relief. While still looking to the right of him. Then he shouts the words, “I love you.” out of nowhere while always looking up.

0:16-0:23 The camera starts to zoom in while the words “Never Stop Being A Dad” slowly appears as the color white on the screen. The man continues to look up, and he then looks down on the table; you hear his breath, and then there a sudden ding sound, and the words “Never Stop Being A Dad” disappears from the screen. The man looks to the right of himself, grabs his phone, unlocks it, and looks at it. The camera suddenly cuts to the screen of his cellphone. See, he gets a text from “J” at 7:44 pm, so we find out he was eating dinner, not breakfast, as I thought during the beginning of the video. The text he got is a heart emoji with “U2” next to it. The camera stays focused on the phone for a second.  

0:24-0:37 The camera then cuts to the man face, and he a quick breath in, he shakes his head a little, and you see a small smile on his face while he puts his cellphone back on the table, then the words “Dadication” pops up fast on the screen in the color white. He picks up a piece of his food, closes his eyes and places it in his mouth, and starts chewing as the couple adds, and the words “fatherhood.gov” pops up in white on the bottom of the screen. You begin to make some slight noises from eating while he shakes his head and the top right of himself. The screen then freezes on what I briefly mentioned during my previous sentences until the videos time reaches the end 0:37

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1 Response to Visual Rewrite-Hailthegreat8

  1. davidbdale says:

    Did you read the feedback I left for oaktree1234 for everyone to see, Great8? I’ll paste it below these opening remarks.

    First a reminder that this is a VISUAL rhetoric assignment. You’re prohibited from listening to or commenting on what would be HEARD during the 30 seconds. I’m glad you posted this to Feedback Please. You’ll have a chance to make substantial changes before you move it into your Portfolio.

    Notes to Oaktree on the first 1 second:

    This is a brilliant first draft, oaktree. I have read only the first segment, but I’m very impressed wit the combination of description and analysis you’re showing here. I will make just a few observations on your first segment. I have not watched the video. I haven’t even gotten to 0:02. I’m making notes while looking at the opening static image.

    0:01-0:02 The ad begins with a close up of a dinner plate that appears to be only half finished.

    A strong opening, but I want to suggest that if we didn’t know we were watching an “ad,” we would not draw that conclusion from what’s on screen. This could easily be the opening shot of a movie or TV show, so as first-time viewers, part of what we try to determine is what sort of visual product we’re watching. It comes on screen, we don’t know what it is, we balance several hypotheses about what we’re watching, we withhold final judgment until we get enough clues, but we analyze from the very beginning.

    We can assume the meal being eaten is dinner since the plate has peas, macaroni and possibly chicken on it.

    You’ve already called it a dinner plate before you describe the meal, so is it the size and shape of the plate or the contents that tell you it’s dinnertime? Here you offer the food as the primary indicator. You haven’t said whether the meal looks appetizing, well-prepared, nicely presented, or otherwise. You don’t say whether the peas appear fresh, frozen, or canned. Since we don’t know the purpose of this video yet, it could be an ad for a home delivery food service. Is it? Are we supposed to want to eat this meal, or is it a prop to indicate someone has left the table? You didn’t mention the silverware, crossed over the plate. Notice both handles are propped against the edge, keeping them from the liquid in the bowl of the plate. A person who didn’t expect to finish this meal might pile the silver on top of the food. A person who will return to the meal wants to keep the handles clean. A person who left the table in a tremendous hurry wouldn’t have crossed the silver on the plate at all. If this is a police procedural drama, and some off-screen violence has occurred, the presence of one fiy on the edge of the plate would indicate it had been left unattended longer than a few minutes. So the ABSENCE of some clues also helps us determine what sort of video this is, and how long the diner has been away from the table.

    The room is very dim implying that it’s later in the day.

    Or early in the day. But you’re right, the combination of dim light AND the food types says evening.

    The half-drank glass of milk next to the plate shakes just slightly as if a door was just slammed.

    That’s fascinating. I’m looking at a still, so I haven’t seen that. Liquid in a glass on video is a common trope meaning there’s an earthquake. Your interpretation is more benign. Or not. Maybe the diner rushed out of the room and slammed a door behind.

    A crumpled up napkin sits alongside the plate as if someone had thrown it down in a hurry.

    Also fascinating. I see the napkin. I wouldn’t have said it indicated a hasty departure, but any interpretation is valid for a viewer trying to make sense of a scene.

    It appears that this plate is not located in a restaurant, rather a home.

    That’s a very logical conclusion for several reasons, most of which you’re about to mention. Again, the absence of clues is very telling. If we’re meant to know this is a restaurant, countless clues could tell us. Since we know everything in the scene is deliberate, we know where we’re not.

    The worn, wooden table, simplistic silverware, and smorgasbord of foods on the plate imply this is a casual home cooked meal.

    Right. That and the absence of other tables, restaurant place settings, etc.

    This scene automatically appeals to the pathos of the viewer since it’s a comfortable, familiar setting.

    It does, you’re right. Does it also indicate anything about the demographic of the owner of the home and meal? Is the home owned by a Hollywood studio executive or by a hardware store accountant?

    I know there’s no way to be sure how to answer SO MANY questions on the basis of so little information, but I postulate that our brains don’t wait for all the evidence before they begin to draw conclusions. Makers of videos know that, and they start to manipulate us immediately to draw the RIGHT conclusions.

    Like

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