Visual Rewrite – KobeBryant

0:01 – The video starts with a very upset girl who yells at her dad saying “I don’t want to talk about it. She is upset and her room is very messy and she clearly looks stressed out. She doesn’t want to communicate with her dad. Her dad slightly sighs and he storms out of the room and goes to the kitchen.

0:05 – 0:10 – The dad was stressed out and cleaning up the coffee machine because he made a mess. His day clearly wasn’t going well and his wife comes in the kitchen and he says “I don’t want to talk about it”

0:10 – 0:15 – The lights go out and the kids look at each other. The wife and husband go upstairs and this whole sequence comes to show that communicate when it counts. The husband and wife then start going upstairs.

0:15 – 0:22 – The husband and wife then go into a room with a flashlight and open up emergency bags filled with items to help them while the energy is out. Communicating when it counts is the main concept and talking about when to plan for emergency.

0:22 – 0:30 – A screen shows up saying “Get tips and resources to make your family’s emergency plans”. It is meant to show you that communicating when necessary is very important especially in situations in which there is an emergency.

“Communicate When It Counts” PSA (30 seconds) – YouTube

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3 Responses to Visual Rewrite – KobeBryant

  1. davidbdale says:

    Kobe, because you did not request Feedback, I will provide you a quick provisional grade and about 15 minutes worth of time to suggest ways you should revise your work to improve that grade.

    The next step would be for you to respond to that feedback. Then make revisions to this post and request a Regrade. If you wish further feedback on this post, you will have to ask specific questions.


  2. davidbdale says:

    Kobe, you don’t appear to have read the instructions for the assignment.
    I do appreciate the time stamps. And you do appear to be describing the action on the screen to some degree. But you somehow missed the instruction to IGNORE THE SOUNDTRACK.

    Your assignment is to:
    1. Describe the visuals in so much detail that the reader will be able to visualize everything about the scene you’re watching. The reader will never be permitted to watch.
    2. Analyze how you receive the information the Author is trying to convey. How, for example, did you decide these two characters are father and daughter? Why should the reader believe you?
    3. Evaluate the effectiveness of the Author’s argument. Is the message clear? Do the visuals clearly communicate the steps of the argument? Is the video effective in communicating a proposal, that you do something or believe something?

    I don’t watch the videos myself, so I’m at your mercy to understand what you’re seeing. I have some questions about your first second.

    0:01 Are they indoors or outdoors? How do you know they’re girl and dad? What indicates she’s upset? Are we looking at their faces? Do we see both of them in the first second? Ah, so they’re in her room. How do you know it’s her room? That’s very effective storytelling if it’s communicated in the first second. (You can’t use information you gather later on to influence how you interpret what you’re seeing in the first second.) What does “not wanting to communicate with her dad” look like exactly? Sighing and storming require two very different emotional states. Does he exhibit both in the same second? What do they look like? It may not be important, but do we get information about their lifestyle, neighborhood, ethnicity, any other social cues that would make us respond in a particular way to these two people, or are they meant to represent dads and daughters universally?

    I’ve used up my time. See your grade on Canvas. Follow the procedure in the first Reply.


  3. davidbdale says:

    I’ve just watched the first second of your video, and I’m stunned by what I’ve seen. I had no clue what to expect based on your description.


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