The lack of scientific consciousness and stability in the Nigerian government makes it impossible for polio to be eradicated. Small communities in Nigeria are not being immunized due to the serious short comings of their unstable government. Violence plagues Nigeria, and makes it difficult for things like schooling to stay efficient. With no proper education about vaccines, either from school or their government, citizens do not know about vaccines or how they can help. The Nigerian government has to stabilize itself and impose a proper education system about vaccines so that citizens can be confident in taking it. If they remain ignorant about the benefits of a polio vaccine, polio will never be eradicated.
Inability in the Nigerian government makes it impossible to promote confidence in the vaccines that would eradicate polio. Nigeria has been dealing with violent groups who occupy most of the government’s attention, and makes it difficult for authorities to focus on educating communities. With no proper education about vaccines from their government, citizens do not know about the vaccines or how they can help. The Nigerian government has to stabilize and impose a system that teach citizens about vaccines
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This is a very strong claim, CC, but I don’t think you mean that Nigeria is the only place where resistance and ignorance are to blame. Nigeria is a good example of the problem.
You named two problems in your opening 1) scientific unawareness and 2) governmental instability. Now you’re developing just one of them. That’s an organization problem.
Violence certainly demonstrates the instability. Are you transitioning back to science when you mention the interruption of education?
Yes, apparently you were. So you do mean to develop both topics. Let’s see if we can be better guides to your readers.
Got it. You’re working both topics simultaneously.
And your last line brings one of them to its logical conclusion. They were vaguely related. Let’s draft again. New First Sentence:
Now one of your factors CREATES the other. So readers are prepared to see the instability as interfering with the knowledge and understanding of disease and immunization.
If you see the value of that change, consider revising and putting this post back into both Feedback Please and Regrade Please.
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