Visual Rewrite- Johnwick66

0.01-0.05

Two children, both of which look no older than 12 are standing facing the watcher staring off at the same thing off screen. Both hold bored glazed over stares at what ever they are looking at. They are outside in someone’s front yard, most likely theirs. A little stone walkway can be seen between them in the background leading up to the house. The front yard is primarily empty except for them and a red wagon sticking half way out of frame in the background. It appears to be sunny based on the sun glowing off the trees behind them, but they are in the shade due to cover from the blue house. The front of the house is fronted by several bushes which appear tall enough to reach at least half way up the windows. The child ,a girl, on the left is holding a basket ball while chewing on pink bubble gum. She’s wearing red basketball jersey with a rainbow shirt poking out from underneath it and white shorts. She has short poufy hair that appears to be held back by a hair band. As they are still watching she attempts several times to blow a bubble and succeeds on the last attempt. Blowing a decent sized bubble before it popped. As she chews she appears to be more annoyed than bored with her face giving off a slight frown. The child on her left, likely her brother, leans on the handle bar of a sliver bike. He’s wearing a simple blue T-shirt with grey shorts. While his sister appears to be getting annoyed at whatever is happening off screen, he simply appears bored with an expressionless look to his face. As if he is use to seeing whatever is occurring off screen.

I believe the director showed us these images because he wanted to established that whatever these kids are looking at, they are likely use to either seeing it or hearing it, so when it happens (i.e in the vid) they kids are use to it, therefore why they appear bored for the most part.

0.06-0.14

The camera cuts to the side showing us the kids were watching their parents arguing on the drive way of the house. The kids are to the left of both of parents, closet to the front yard with the mother in the middle of the kids and what is assumed to be her husband. She’s wearing a flannelled shirt with jeans. The Mother stands in front of the garage of their house, going back and fourth with a her husband, who is on top of a black stepping stool in their drive way right next to a basketball hoop, the kind that has the leveler in the back so you can adjust the height on it. He’s wearing a plaid shirt and khakis. Behind them all is the garage. Its clearly attached to the house with its door open and a sliver car parked inside it. On both sides of the car are bikes parked. One black, the other light blue. The adults are arguing but its clear to tell that its not anything bad or serious. Their is no visible anger on either parents face. In fact the father seems almost happy, with a small smile on his face protruding from beard. The husband repeatedly looks back and forth between his wife and the hoop, pointing at it, indicating to the viewer that the basketball hoop in the center of the argument. During this we see both kids with the same bored look, both of them watching the father as he still argues with their mom. With a very relaxed body posture, the dad turns and to the rim and grabs it giving it a small tug. The entire hoop suddenly drops several inches resulting in the backboard to fall off and tumble to the ground. It doesn’t strike anyone or shatter but rather almost tumbles and lands facing up on the ground. The mother and farther eyes widen with shock and merely stand there as the hoop comes down. The mom with her hands by her side looks at the hop with disappointment while the dad with his hands on his hips proceeds to glance back and fourth between the basketball post and the backboard laying on the ground, its clear that they didn’t expect that to happen and the father looks somewhat embarrassed by it, deliberately looking away from his wife. While his hands are on his hips you can see a small wrench in his left hand, which couldn’t be seen before while he was pointing at the hoop. This makes it clear to the audience that the father was either setting up the hoop or fixing it, and he and his wife wear likely arguing about if he did it right or not. The daughter in a moment of surprise quickly back steps even though the back board was nowhere near to hitting her. She stares at the rim with concern, possibly out of fear that the backboard broke. While the brother, still leaning on his bike, cracks a smile as it falls to the ground watching it drop only to then look back at his father. The time from when it falls to when it lays on the ground all four family members are silent.

I believe the director showed us this in order to create the family dynamic, or at least how we are suppose to perceive it. How these little arguments between the parents are common(due to the bored expression of the childern). I also think they are perhaps trying to show the father attempt to be a builder (in setting up the hoop) but he just lacks that initiative, and it could be a reoccurring trend based off how the son began to chuckle as soon as it happened, as if he knew what to expect .

0.15-0.20

The camera quickly cuts to the daughter as she turns and faces the camera. She proceeds to break the fourth wall by speaking directly to the viewer. As she speaks she keeps her head slightly tilted to the left. The house now blurred in the background and the camera focused on her. She has a somewhat concerned look on her face as she talks, her eyebrows giving a slight squint. The headband she is wearing is easier to see now. Its red. The chewing gum is also no longer in her mouth. Her teeth are snow white and towards the end of this portion of the clip she gives one look off camera, looking downward, she was likely looking at the back board still lying on the ground.

I believe the director showed this in order for the girl to evaluate on the situation that just unfolded.

0.20-0.26

The screen cuts to a government website link with several car seats and seatbelts on top of the logo.

I now believe they put this scene in to acknowledge the message the girl was giving in the section prior to this one. Meaning her conversation was possibly referencing seat belts for both adults and children.

0.27-0.30

The camera cuts back to the girl who is still talking directly to the camera. The camera then cuts back out showing all four family members. The mom proceeds to walk to the front door of the house rubbing her wrists while the dad, still on the stepping stool, looks down at the backboard in disappointment, hands still on his hips, he lets out a sigh. The kids no longer looking at the backboard now stare back up at their dad. The daughter is still holding the basketball while the son is leaning of his bike rhythmically tapping on the handle bar.

I believe they put this scene in to establish what I said before about them expecting this, especially since the mom walked away, not angrily, but rather being done with the situation.

(1) Hoop | Child Car Safety | Ad Council – YouTube

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4 Responses to Visual Rewrite- Johnwick66

  1. davidbdale says:

    I like the technique you’ve devised of providing rhetorical analysis to follow sections of visual reporting, JW, but it’s hard to believe there isn’t more going on in those big sections than you’re telling us.

    I’m having a hard time picturing the kids except as bored. What direction are they looking? Up? Down? How far away is what they’re focusing on? The horizon? Someone standing in front of them? You mention bubble gum, which you could only know if the girl blows a bubble. Does she have time to do this? What does that indicate about whether this video is moving fast or slow?

    Set the scene for me a little more completely. They’re in a driveway. Do we see a garage? Anything to report there? Is Dad trying to mount a backboard to the frame of the house or the garage? Does he have tools?

    What you describe sounds as if it could have been catastrophic if the daughter had been playing basketball when the backboard came down. That makes the situation pretty serious. But your description makes it seem, what, comical? Hard to say. What is the overall tone of this message?

    I refrain from watching these videos deliberately so I’m at your mercy about their content. As a result, I’m completely mystified about its purpose. You’re probably at a disadvantage too since you’re not listening to what the daughter says to the camera, but there’s got to be a clue in those government logos to help you determine what the message is here.

    Dig a little deeper into what you see, JW. You’re on the right track.

    Find your grade at Canvas. The next step is to acknowledge and respond to this feedback. Then make significant improvement to this post and request a Regrade. You can also request feedback as often as you make significant revisions.

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  2. davidbdale says:

    While I appreciate the improvements to your post and the expansion of your descriptions, your language contains dozens of small grammar, punctuation, and usage errors, JW. It can’t earn 90 or higher with so many violations. Some of them break the Fails For Grammar rules. As for content, the major shortcoming here is that you don’t explain how any of this family drama regarding the backboard could possibly relate to seat belt safety.

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