Practice Opening – Capched

Practice Opening – Capched

Polio is a disease that has been around since 1894. Due to the outbreak in 1952, tens of thousands of people had died from it. It became an epidemic and a vaccine has been found. Scientists would like to eradicate this disease but it will not go away 100 percent. There are a lot of people out there who have fears of the vaccination. Some people do not trust it at all. This is the case with a lot of vaccinations that are going on around the world. It’s just not possible to fully eradicate polio nor any disease out there.

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1 Response to Practice Opening – Capched

  1. davidbdale says:

    Polio is a disease that has been around since 1894.

    I can’t imagine that will be crucial information, Capched, but I’ll give you some rope. What’s the significance of the date?

    Due to the outbreak in 1952, tens of thousands of people had died from it.

    Polio doesn’t kill often but it paralyzes children tragically. I’m not sure why 1952 matters, but again, I’ll give you just a little more rope.

    It became an epidemic and a vaccine has been found.

    I’m going to make a recommendation, Capched. Combine the facts into a sentence with a robust, active verb. Make every sentence DO SOMETHING. For example, “The vaccine for polio has so far tragically failed to eradicate this terrible disease that has crippled millions of children.” See what I mean? All the background (minus the dates, which are irrelevant) serves to emphasize the tragedy that the vaccine has so far FAILED.

    Scientists would like to eradicate this disease but it will not go away 100 percent.

    You won’t need that sentence either.

    There are a lot of people out there who have fears of the vaccination.

    And THIS ONE we can build into the first sentence as well. “Because of ignorance and fear, the vaccine for polio has so far tragically failed to eradicate this terrible disease that has crippled millions of children.” Right?

    Some people do not trust it at all.

    You won’t need that sentence either.

    This is the case with a lot of vaccinations that are going on around the world. It’s just not possible to fully eradicate polio nor any disease out there.

    You can use the last two sentences if you want them, but they draw away your focus from polio.

    That was probably more radical feedback than you would have preferred, Capched, but I think it’s best to experience radical re-thinking early in the semester on small and inconsequential assignments.

    Your grade is at Canvas, Capched. You have options.
    1. If you’re satisfied with your grade, you don’t have to do anything.
    2. If you’re satisfied with your grade, but you appreciate the feedback, leave me a Reply.
    3. If you want a better grade, you have one week to revise and put this post into Regrade Please.

    Like

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