Why Does the Universe Exist?- Thecommoncase

God does not create the universe, the universe exists to create God. The universe is an incubator, and everything inside it makes up a part of God. The universe expands over time, which shows how God is growing and forever evolving. All sentient life that takes place throughout time makes up God’s brain, and since each living existence is unique, the combined knowledge and experience of uncountable lives would mold the mind of an all-knowing and all-powerful being. When every life has lived and all possible knowledge has been discovered, God will emerge and the universe will cease to exist.

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2 Responses to Why Does the Universe Exist?- Thecommoncase

  1. davidbdale says:

    This is brilliant, CommonCase. It maintains a strong and consistent tone throughout. It follows and develops a single bold idea. It has a dramatic arc, builds momentum, and comes to a very strong conclusion. It’s also better than your first draft. But it’s still a draft. And there is no such thing as a Final Draft. That’s the lesson of this class. Notes follow.

    God does not create the universe, the universe exists to create God.

    The tenses are odd, one past tense, one present. Apparently the creation of God is an ongoing process. But the creation of the universe, presumably, was an event that occured in the past. You’ve written a “Comma Splice,” not a sentence. A semicolon or period is required between your clauses.

    The universe is an incubator, and everything inside it makes up a part of God.

    A brilliant image, the incubator! It emphasizes the continuing development of something not yet complete. “makes up a part” is not as successful. Incubators don’t gather parts. They nurture development. “inside it” is also a little weird, suggesting there’s something outside of the universe.

    The universe expands over time, which shows how God is growing and forever evolving.

    A common error is to say “how” when “that” is meant. The expansion doesn’t show HOW God grows, but it demonstrates THAT she does.

    All sentient life that takes place throughout time makes up God’s brain, and since each living existence is unique, the combined knowledge and experience of uncountable lives would mold the mind of an all-knowing and all-powerful being.

    Lots to admire in this sentence, and a few things to consider revising. Life doesn’t exactly “take place.” It’s not active. It’s passive. It gets lived. I think you mean everything that occurs to sentient beings make up God’s brain. “would mold” is too speculative. You need to boldly declare that those experiences “do mold” the mind.

    When every life has lived and all possible knowledge has been discovered, God will emerge and the universe will cease to exist.

    Again, life doesn’t live; it gets lived. So: “when every life has BEEN lived.” Again, great admiration for your slam-dunk final declaration that “the universe will cease to exist.” Beautiful work.

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    You haven’t made further revisions since I posted my first bit of feedback here, so here’s your final grade notice:
    YOUR POST HAS BEEN GRADED ON CANVAS.
    For one week, if you make further edits HERE ON THE BLOG, you may request a re-grade by placing this post into the Regrade Please category.

    Like

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