Visual Rewrite- imgoingswimming

0:01 In the first second of this advertisement we see a young boy around the ages of 8-10. The boy is facing the opposite direction of the camera seemingly walking in the opposite direction where we only see his back.The boy is in a dark hallway with only two sources of light. We do not know what the boy is wearing because of the lack of light on his back. At the end of the hallway is a bright light coming from a window in a room with its door open at the end of the hallway. The other source of light is warm with a yellow color and is coming from a room to the right with no door so this seems as if it is the entrance to a kitchen or living room. The dark hallway makes it seem as though there are no lights on so this could be taking place early in the morning before any lights are on. The director may be trying to portray the boy may have not turned them on because he is sneaking around the house before anyone wakes up.

0:02 The boy is slowly walking in the direction of the room with a window and sunlight coming through. We are slowly following him as he heads down this hallway. The director has captured my attention because of the mystery and lack of detail given. All that is known is that it seems the boy is sneaking which captures my interest.

0:03 – 0:05 The picture changes to a young girl and she does not seem to be in the same house as the boy in the previous few seconds.  The camera is looking down at her as it pans to what she is doing. She is laying on the floor and seems to be playing but we do not know what it is she is playing with. She seems to be dressed warmly wearing long pants and a sweater. The outfit is more like pajamas so she does not seem as if she is going out anytime soon. There is a warm light so this seems like it is mid-day and not nighttime or early morning. This change confuses me as the person watching, but I assume the videos meaning surrounds children.

0:05-0:08 This changes to another young child who is in their pajamas. The camera is still and is far away, seemingly on the other side of the room. The child is in what seems to be a living room standing on a red stool. We do not know where the stool is from. The child is looking into a closet that has pillows and blankets in it. The child seems to be looking for something and is still not tall enough to reach it as he is standing on their toes. The director may be showing there are no parents around for this child to reach the item he is looking for or he may not be allowed to get the item she is looking for.

0:09-0:10 In this part of the video we go back to the same young girl from 0.03-0.05. In this, we also see a young boy who could be someone she is on a playdate with or her brother. The boy is on his knees sitting bedside, and the girl slides off the side of the bed to get down next to the boy. The girl was sitting on the bed and gets down off of the bed where she sits next to him and they are facing the bed. The director may be showing this could be because they are getting ready to look under the bed. This could be because the girl got down off of the bed and both of their attentions are captures to objects under the bed.

0:11-0:12 We go back to the first boy we saw. This boy is now in what seems to be a storage room with shelves and boxes of papers. He does not have the light on in the room but instead has a flashlight that he has placed on an opposing shelf of the one he is looking at. He then gets up on something that is out of frame to reach a higher shelf. The director further shows us that the boy is sneaking around to look for something.

0:13-0:15 This part goes to the child standing on the red stool. The child manages to reach what he is looking for but drops many items while doing so. The items that fall include books, board games, blankets, and a gun. We don’t know if this child was looking for a gun or not.

0:15-0:17 In this clip the boy and girl go under the bed which they crawl under fully. We now know that this could be an add that has to do with children finding guns. We fear that there is  possibly a gun under the bed these children are hiding.

0:17-0:18 In this we see the boy from the first clip who was just in a storage room seems to be watching his hands in a bathroom. We do not understand why this is happening and it does not point to anything regarding finding a gun.

0:19- 0:20 In these frames we go back to the child with the red stool. We finally see that this is a little girl. The girl is picking up the items she dropped when something catches her interest that we can not see as she is blocking us from seeing it. We already know that it is the gun from the previous clip with her.

0:21 This then pans to what the child originally standing on the red stool is seeing which was the pistol which is lying on what seems to be a bag and is next to a book. We see this child is actually a girl from her long hair.

0:22- 0:23 This clip goes back to the boy and girl that were under the bed. They are no longer under the bed but have pulled out items they found. They pulled out bins that have clothing and hats which they are trying on together as they may be playing pretend. They also found what seems to be a board game or telescope box that is long in shape. Between the two is the final item they pulled out which is a rifle. The director chose for them not to give it any attention even though it is directly in between them and they have more interest in the hat. This could be because they are used to the rifle or they do not yet know what it is because of their young age.

0:23- 0:24 In this we see the boy from the first clip again who is in the bathroom still. The boy is playing with something that is off-screen. We as the viewer have not seen this boy find a firearm but the director assumes that we know he has one because all the other children have found them. He is in the bathroom as this may be the only place he has privacy to play with it. While we don’t see the gun it seems like he is cocking it back, and then we see him look up suddenly from the gun to where the door of the bathroom is. The director may be wanting us to make the assumption he has been caught or that his parents just woke up if they were sleeping.

0:25-0:37 This is just a black screen with white lettering saying “safe gun storage saves lives”. Then it changes to the logo of end family fire.

From what I have seen I believe the goal is safely storing your guns. These guns need to be safely stored and children should not know where they are hidden. Even if they do not know they should not be hidden with everyday objects and instead should be put in a safe or have a lock. The director successfully showed safe gun storage without the need for any words or volume on the video.

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2 Responses to Visual Rewrite- imgoingswimming

  1. davidbdale says:

    0:01 This is nice. I have a few questions. When you say the boy is “facing the opposite direction of the camera,” do you mean we see him from behind? If he’s walking away from the camera, are we following him—in other words, does the camera move too in the same direction—or does he get farther from us? If we’re walking behind him, are we participating in his behavior? Do we feel involved? Or are we passive observers? Walking from darkness to light is usually moving from ignorance to awareness or danger to safety. Does this feel like that? Or is there any sense the lights are a lure to something that might not be smart or safe? You don’t say what he’s wearing. Maybe you can’t. But if it’s pajamas, . . . . I do like the suggestion that he might be sneaking around instead of alerting others by turning on lights.

    0:02 What is the mood? Do you know by now whether this is a TV show? A car commercial? A comedy? The beginning of a Public Service Announcement? Has the director captured your attention? Will you give it another couple seconds before you click away? In other words, how rhetorically effective is this piece of video at engaging you and communicating something?

    0:03 – 0:05A young girl seen from above, I guess you mean? Is she seated, standing, lying on the floor? Is is the same house the boy was in? Or can’t you tell? So, mid-day. A different scene. Are you still OK hanging with this bit of video? So far we’re not getting much information and there are two “storylines” to follow already in the first few seconds. Is that good? Do you get any sense of why we’re being shown these two kids?

    0:05-0:08 If you’re going to have a whole cast of characters, you’ll have to find a way to communicate to readers which one you’re talking about. Can we call this kid Striped Shirt, or something? Are we close up on this kid, like we’re in the room with him? Or are we spying on him from a hallway or through a window? I’m having trouble picturing what you’re telling me. The angles could be important. You must mean he’s still NOT tall enough to reach “it.” Did he have to bring the stool in from another room? Or is there a matching stool in the shot? Pillows and blankets in a living room closet seems odd, unless there’s a convertible sofa that turns into a bed. You call the child first he and then she. So far, all these kids are engaged in solo behavior, right? Does that indicate to you they don’t want to be observed?

    0:09-0:10 Yeah, maybe you could call her Pajama Girl if we’re going back to these characters. Huh. So this is the first time there will be kids together. Does that change the mood? Is she in the same position as last time? So she was on the bed? Was that clear from the first shot? And they both move to the floor next to the bed? Whatever she was playing with in the first shot, is that still in play? Sure, they might look under the bed, but what’s your clue? I’m unclear on that.

    0:11-0:12 This first boy, let’s give him a title too. He’s sneaky, right? No lights in the first scene, now with a flashlight? Do you ever get the sense he’s in SOMEONE ELSE’S house? Or is he just prowling his own home? I appreciate your conclusion that “the boy is sneaking around to look for something,” but what’s the visual evidence? Is he casting furtive glances over his shoulder?

    0:13-0:15 I see. So, you say “what he was looking for,” as if he KNEW there was a gun, and the gun was his goal. Does that seem right? Or do you really know? Could he have been looking for Christmas presents and been surprised to find a gun? It may not matter, but can you decide based on what you see?

    0:15-0:17 Well, you were right they were preparing to go under the bed. In retrospect, do you know how you knew that? At this point, we’ve seen a gun. So, rhetorically speaking, how do you react NOW when the kids go into potential hiding places? How does the director handle what you must now suspect might be another dangerous situation? Can you analyze whether that new mood was effectively managed?

    0:17-0:18 Odd. Why this innocent interlude? What does it mean? I’m mystified. What’s your explanation? 2 seconds of wasted footage?

    0:19- 0:20 I’m really curious about this. Are we seeing her from behind? How do we know she’s a girl? And how in the world can you tell she’s discovered the gun? Is it body language?

    0:21 Again, the camera angle is unclear, but I get the gist. However, how startling is that gun straight on when we finally see it and know a kid has found it?

    0:22- 0:23 Brilliant. Likely they were not looking for the gun, right? Is there any indication the gun came from the “telescope box”? In other words, did they remove it from the box? I like your suggestion that they might be too young and innocent to even be tempted by the gun (or too accustomed to its presence to consider finding it a revelation).

    0:23- 0:24 It still doesn’t explain why he was washing his hands earlier, does it? But I love your suggestion that the director doesn’t even have to show us a gun in this scene. How effective is it that we know so well what he’s found that we don’t have to see it? I also very much like your explanation that he’s been surprised either by a sound or by someone’s sudden appearance.

    0:25-0:37 Well, you haven’t quite finished, Swimming.

    Unless you’ve been responding all along to the Director’s Rhetoric, you have some explaining to do about the techniques and the effectiveness (or failure) of the video to communicate its message and make its persuasive argument.

    Quoting from the Assignment here:
    Do not forget the rhetoric half of the Visual Rhetoric assignment.
    Yes, you need to describe the visuals in detail, but telling us WHAT we’re seeing is only half of the assignment. Judging WHY the director chose to show us these images, what is the LOGOS–PATHOS–ETHOS value of the visual argument is the more important half of your analysis.

    I’ve posted a grade for you at Canvas, Swimming. The next step is for you to reply to and acknowledge this feedback. Then make substantial revisions to this post and request a Regrade. You may also request additional SPECIFIC feedback following major revisions.

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    I see significant improvements.
    Post has been Regraded.

    Like

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