Practice Opening—KobeBryant

Practice Opening

Eradicate. The word eradicate means to get destroy completely; put an end to. I feel like eradicating polio isn’t something that will be done anytime soon (at least in my lifetime). Putting an end to this disease would require immense cooperation from EVERY country in the world. My parents are from Nigeria and they tell me how corrupt and poorly funded the government is. The Nigerian government lacks the funds to complete such a task as eradicating a disease. If things were different over there this wouldn’t even be an issue. If their government had a stable health care system they would be able to properly issue vaccinations with no problem, which in turn would help in the fight to eradicate polio.

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2 Responses to Practice Opening—KobeBryant

  1. davidbdale says:

    Two technical matters first, Kobe.
    1. Name your work with both the assignment name and your username. For you, that’s Practice Opening—KobeBryant. I have fixed that problem.
    2. Put your work into the categories for the assignment and your username. I have fixed that problem.

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    Eradicate.

    Not a bad idea, Kobe. Emphasize what an important concept you’re addressing. And how ULTIMATE a word it is.

    The word eradicate means to get destroy completely; put an end to.

    But then, once you’ve given it a sentence of its own, don’t say it again: “Eradicate. The word means destroy, completely.

    I feel like eradicating polio isn’t something that will be done anytime soon (at least in my lifetime).

    Every essay is your own opinion. But you want to sound authoritative. So don’t remind readers that you’re just making stuff up. How about: “It likely won’t happen in our lifetimes.”

    Putting an end to this disease would require immense cooperation from EVERY country in the world.

    Nice. Why “would”? Have you given up?

    My parents are from Nigeria and they tell me how corrupt and poorly funded the government is.

    Fascinating coincidence, but your readers don’t know you’ve been reading an article about Nigeria, and they don’t know the significance of Nigeria in polio eradication, so you need to provide the context. Now would be better, but maybe you provide it later. I’ll be looking for it.

    The Nigerian government lacks the funds to complete such a task as eradicating a disease.

    You’re getting wordy. You already told us the government is “poorly funded.” Now, “the government lacks the funds needed.” Find a way to combine those claims.

    If things were different over there this wouldn’t even be an issue.

    What wouldn’t be an issue? Different how? With more funds?

    If their government had a stable health care system they would be able to properly issue vaccinations with no problem, which in turn would help in the fight to eradicate polio.

    That’s another restatement of the same situation, KB. A question: if the government had more funds, wouldn’t the corruption still prevent efficient inoculation? In other words, isn’t the corruption the real problem?

    Your grade is at Canvas, KobeBryant. You have options.
    1. If you’re satisfied with your grade, you don’t have to do anything.
    2. If you’re satisfied with your grade, but you appreciate the feedback, leave me a Reply.
    3. If you want a better grade, you have one week to revise and put this post into Regrade Please.

    Like

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